Don’t like me? Cool, I don’t wake up every day to impress you.
The only reason I am fat is because a tiny body couldn’t store all this personality.
Was going to rob a bank today but the pen was chained to the desk.
Yes, I agree. Mums can find everything. Except for the ringing phone in their bags!
Faces YOU Make ON The Toilet (o_o) (>_<) (0_0) (^_^).
God is really creative, i mean..just look at me.
May I go to the toilet = I’m fucking bored.
Relationship Status: Looking for a WiFi connection.
Sometimes all you need is love. Lol, just kidding, you need money. :’).
Today morning when I was driving my Ferrari, the alarm woke me up.
I want some one to give me a Loan and then leave me Alone.
I feel lazier than the guy who drew the Japanese flag.
I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something.
When you’re good, you’re good, when you’re awesome you’re me.
The zoo is a pretty safe place to fart.
One day, I’m gonna make the onions cry.
Doing the moonwalk is the only way to look cool while wiping dog crap off your shoes.
Before talking; Please connect the tongue to the brain!
I’m jealous of my parents, i’ll never have a kid as cool as theirs.
Can I take your picture?? I love to collect pictures of natural disasters.
The only reason god made cousins so that parents can compare our marks.
People say laughter is the best medicine. Your face must be curing the world.
When life gets tough, remember: You were the strongest sperm.
The difference between pizza and your opinion is that I asked for pizza.
Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband!
I don’t always lose my phone but when I do its always on silent.
I really need a day in between Saturday and Sunday.
I don’t want to earn my living, I want to live.
Eight letters, three words, one regret. I miss you.
I miss your smile but I miss my own even more.
Behind my smile is everything you’ll never understand.
I still miss him, I miss him, I’m missing him.
The only normal people you know are the ones you don’t know very well.
Life is a mirror and will reflect back to the thinker what he thinks into it.
When I drink alcohol.. Everyone says I’m alcoholic. But.. When I drink Fanta.. No one says I’m fantastic.
Why do parents get so upset about little things like goddamn I left a plate in the sink not a dead body.
I’ve found the recipe for happiness. Can someone just send me some money so that I can buy the ingredients?
Anyone else sit on the toilet and play with their phone until you realized you have been finished 10 minutes ago?
Justin Bieber was arrested this morning for using men’s toilet.
Money can’t buy happiness, but it pays for internet, which is pretty much the same thing.
I’m not single, I’m just romantically challenged.
The funniest thing in class is when the teacher cracks a joke and no one laughs.
The annoying moment when the TV commercials are so long that you forget what you’re watching.
Remember, there are two words in life that will open a lot of doors for you. Push and Pull.